Nuclear Annihilation? I’m With Chris Tacker!

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Dit is het allerbeste wat ik in tijden gelezen heb!

We duiken er meteen in.


Het is super leuk dat de missile warning met heuse settings komt.

Wie weet wil je die nog aanpassen alvorens je verpulverd wordt tot stof?

NYT: Hawaii Panics After Alert About Incoming Missile Is Sent in Error.

An early-morning emergency alert mistakenly warning of an incoming ballistic missile attack was dispatched to cellphones across Hawaii on Saturday, setting off widespread panic in a state that was already on edge because of escalating tensions between the United States and North Korea. The alert, sent by the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency, was revoked 38 minutes after it was issued, prompting confusion over why it was released — and why it took so long to rescind. State officials and residents of a normally tranquil part of the Pacific, as well as tourists swept up in the panic, immediately expressed outrage.

Ja het staat er echt mensen!

Probeer je dit eens voor te stellen: je bent op kantoor, of aan het winkelen en dan krijg je dat binnen?

Ik zou gillend gek worden.

Take immediate shelter? 

Waar (de fok) zou ik dat doen, dan?

“What happened today was totally unacceptable,” said Gov. David Y. Ige. “Many in our community were deeply affected by this. I am sorry for that pain and confusion that anyone might have experienced.”

Maak je niet druk, ik hing een half uur huilend aan de telefoon met mijn moeder en heb haar allerlei dingen verteld die ik ‘r helemaal niet wilde vertellen.

Nod Yes Icon

Wat zou jij doen? Missile is inbound, geen plek om te schuilen?

Ik zou snel een supermarkt inrennen en alcohol scoren.

Afscheid nemen van familie/vrienden heeft – met 38 minuten te gaan – geen enkele (fokking) zin.

Alcohol, een dikke sigaar en iets dikmakends, gebak, denk ik.

Officials said the alert was the result of human error and not the work of hackers or a foreign government. The mistake occurred during a shift-change drill that takes place three times a day at the emergency command post, according to Richard Rapoza, a spokesman for the agency.

“Someone clicked the wrong thing on the computer,” he said.

Opnieuw: het staat er echt!

Het is geweldig dat het uberhaupt mogelijk is voor someone om the wrong thing te klikken on the computer.

Voor incoming nuclear warheads heeft men waarschijnlijk ook gewoon zo’n drammende millennial (0 uren contract, oproepbasis) aangenomen die ondertussen ergens Pokemons aan het vangen is.

State officials said that the agency and the governor began posting notices on Facebook and Twitter announcing the mistake, but that a flaw in the alert system delayed sending out a cellphone correction. As a result, they said a “cancellation template” would be created to make it easier to fix mistaken alerts. A new procedure was instituted Saturday requiring two people to sign off before any such alert is sent.

Dit wordt steeds leuker!

Als je ooit een inbound nuclear warhead warning op je telefoon krijgt?

Check dan even Twitter en Facebook, want het kan ook niet kloppen.


Hey, wie doet bij jullie de incoming missile warnings?

Oh gut, geen idee, volgens mij die stagiair, dat joch met dat lange haar?
Anders dat meisje met die neusring?
In de pantry hing volgens mij een rooster op de grote koelkast.

Het is inderdaad een goed idee om twee mensen te laten checken alvorens we belangrijke dingen besluiten.

Hawaii has been on high emotional alert — it began staging monthly air-raid drills, complete with sirens, in December — since President Trump and Kim Jong-un, the leader of North Korea, began exchanging nuclear threats. Estimates vary, but it would take a little more than half an hour for a missile launched from North Korea to reach Hawaii, traversing an arc of roughly 5,700 miles. State officials said that residents here would have as little as 12 minutes to find shelter once an alert was issued.

Oh als het ehm… luchtalarm voortdurend afgaat en er vliegen allerlei militaire vliegtuigen boven de stad en zo?

Da’s geen – ik herhaal geen – high alert.

Dat is high emotional alert.


Dan krijgen we de paniek.

Within moments of the first announcement, people flocked to shelters, crowding highways in scenes of terror and helplessness. Emergency sirens wailed in parts of the state, adding to the panic.

“I was running through all the scenarios in my head, but there was nowhere to go, nowhere to pull over to,” said Mike Staskow, a retired military captain.

Supermarkt. Alcohol. Sigaar. Tabak.

Als je echter midden op de snelweg rijdt?

Dan kun je dat gevoegelijk vergeten.

Allyson Niven, who lives in Kailua-Kona, said her first instinct was to gather her family as she contemplated what she thought would be her final minutes alive.

“We fully felt like we were about to die,” she said. “I drove to try to get to my kids even though I knew I probably wouldn’t make it, and I fully was visualizing what was happening while I was on the road. It was awful.”

Arme, arme mensen. De angst zal niet normaal geweest zijn.

Ray Gerst was vacationing on Oahu with his wife to celebrate their 28th wedding anniversary. He received the alert as they pulled up for their tour of Kualoa Ranch.

“All the buses stopped, and people came running out of the ranch and said, ‘Just sit still for a minute, nobody get off the bus, nobody get off the bus,’” he said.

They were taken into the mountains, Mr. Gerst said, and dropped off at a concrete bunker. They sheltered in place for about 15 minutes, he said, during which time they had no cell signal.

“It was scary,” Mr. Gerst said. “I mean, there was no intel.

Ik zou dus beslist niet een bunker in willen. Na de blast, de shockwave komt namelijk de fallout en da’s allemaal nog net even erger.

En met een stel… (yuck!) t o e r i s t e n in een fucking bunker?

Ik heb liever een vogelspin die eitjes legt in mijn oor.

At Konawaena High School on the Island of Hawaii, where a high school wrestling championship was taking place, school officials, more accustomed to alerts of high surf or tsunamis, moved people to the center of the gym as they tried to figure out how to take shelter from a missile.

“Everyone cooperated,” said Kellye Krug, the athletic director at the school. “Once they were gathered, we let them use cellphones to reach loved ones. There were a couple kids who were emotional, the coaches were right there to console kids. After the retraction was issued, we gave kids time to reach out again.”

A couple of kids were emotional? I wonder why.

Matt LoPresti, a state representative, told CNN that he and his family headed for a bathroom. “I was sitting in the bathtub with my children, saying our prayers,” he said.

Saying prayers doet heel weinig. Stap in bad met alcohol, een sigaar en gebak!

Natalie Haena, 38, of Honolulu, said she was getting ready to take her daughter to ice skating lessons when the alert came. “There’s nothing to prep for a missile coming in,” she said. “We have no bomb shelters or anything like that. There’s nowhere to go.”

Yea same here. Ik zou niet weten waar het dichtstbijzijnde shelter is.

(En wij hebben geen bad red.)

The false alert was a stark reminder of what happens when the old realities of the nuclear age collide with the speed — and the potential for error — inherent in the internet age. The alert came at one of the worst possible moments — when tension with North Korea has been at one of the highest points in decades, and when Mr. Kim’s government has promised more missile tests and threatened an atmospheric nuclear test.


Dat is het!

Het ligt ook een beetje aan het Internet.

(En racisme?)

The United States faces an especially difficult problem today, not just because of tense relations with North Korea but also because of growing fears inside the military about the cyber vulnerability of the nuclear warning system and nuclear control systems.

Nuclear systems zijn verouderd. Die van Rusland zijn het allerergst, maar die van de US rammelen ook aan allerlei kanten. De schatting is dat het US nuclear arsenal compleet met command and control systems, een upgrade nodig heeft die de aankomende 10 jaar een slordige 1 trillion dollars (1 biljoen dollar) gaat kosten.

The fifth page of an emergency preparation pamphlet issued by the Hawaii Emergency Management Agency features a picture of a rocket lifting off: “Nuclear Threat — Unlikely But Cannot Ignore It.”

Delen van het pamflet staan online (uiteraard). Ik kon de rocket zo snel niet vinden, maar dit wel en dit is veul leuker.


DO NOT look at the flash of light!

Want dan word je meteen blind en zo. En blind worden vlak voordat je verpulverd wordt tot stof? Da’s echt kut.

Vern T. Miyagi, the administrator of the agency, said that during the drill, an employee — whom he did not identify — mistakenly pushed a button on a computer screen to send out the alert, rather than one marked to test it. He said the employee answered “yes” when asked by the system if he was sure he wanted to send the message.


Ja en z’n supervisor was net koffie halen, dus hij moest helemaal zelf een beslissing maken.

People in Hawaii tend to know what to do to protect themselves to threats of a tsunami or a hurricane. The prospect of nuclear annihilation was entirely new terrain.

Ja tegen nuclear annihilation kun je namelijk ehm… niets? doen? hence the name.

Nod Yes Icon

Gelukkig zijn er rationele mensen zoals Chris Tacker, die zelfs op dit soort momenten verstandige beslissingen nemen.

Chris Tacker, a veteran who lives in Kealakekua, said the mistake had left her angry and frustrated.

“I didn’t know where to go,” she said. “Anyone try to dig a hole in lava? Good luck trying to build a shelter. I’m stocking my liquor cabinet.

Still, she added, “If we don’t have our sense of humor about this, it’s all over.”

I don’t know about you. But when the shit hits the fan?

I’m with Chris.